bodies-under-siege FAQ
This is the welcome file for the non-bus mailing list, a list that
provides support to people dealing with self-injury in friends and
loved ones. To subscribe, send mail to
majordomo@buslist.org with the phrase subscribe non-bus
as the mail body. To unsubscribe, send mail to that address using the
phrase unsubscribe non-bus. Subscribers can post to the list by
sending mail to non-bus@buslist.org.
You can subscribe to non-bus right here. Select the form of the list
you wish to receive, enter your email address, and you'll be
automatically added to the list. Be sure to include your
complete email address (me@foo.bar); if you leave off the bit after
the @, the cgi will substitute crystal.palace.net for it.
Welcome to non-bus! You're probably here
because someone you care uses physical self-harm to cope with
overwhelming feelings, you're not sure how to deal with it, and you're
feeling pretty overwhelmed yourself. This list is intended to be a
place for you to talk to other people who know the guilt and confusion
and pain that loving someone who self-injures can bring. There's no
way to know if and how much you've contributed to the situation, and
assigning blame won't really help anyway. The question now is "what do
I do about it?"
The first thing may be letting go of the idea that you can do anything
to change the behavior of anyone else. Ultimatums, threats, bribes,
strip-searches, questions, suspicion -- none of these can make someone
stop SI. Understanding and love and support may not make them stop,
either. It's a hellish situation for everyone involved sometimes. It's
hard to give up the idea that if you just knew the right thing to say
or do or be, somehow the problem would magically disappear.
I hope that non-bus will be a place to find support and caring from
other people who've been through the same things you have.
- 1. What is non-bus?
- The acronym bus stands for bodies under siege, which in turn is the
title of a book by Armando Favazza, one of the earliest books about
self-injury to really take it seriously. The recent edition of
Bodies Under Siege greatly expands on the treatment of the
subject in the first edition.
The bus list was originally conceived as a safe place for people
concerned with self-injury to speak the unspeakable. After a year and
a half of bus, it became obvious that a similar place was needed for
those who care deeply for someone who self-injures.
- 2. Can I still subscribe to bus?
-
Yes, you're welcome to join or remain on the bus list (although if the
person you are concerned about is also on the list, you might be asked
to not subscribe if this would make them uncomfortable).
- 3. What are the rules?
- The rules are pretty loose. I do ask that you refrain from
personal attacks, either on the person in your life who self-injures
or on other members of the list. You can disagree with someone's
opinion without disagreeing with their existence as a person. Also,
please don't post anything commercial.
Please realize that self-injury is a sensitive topic and many people
are not "out" about it. Please respect the right of others to
decide whom they will tell what about their lives -- leave list stuff
on the list and don't use names unless you have permission from the
person you're talking about.
- 4. What are all these acronyms??!?
- People do tend to refer to things in
shorthand. Here are a few of the most common terms:
DID -- dissociative identity disorder. Used to be called MPD, for
multiple personality disorder. People with DID refer to the facets of
themselves that sometimes take over for a while as "alters".
BPD -- borderline personality disorder, a very controversial
diagnosis. See my web page or any of the various excellent pages on
the topic for more details.
SIB -- Self-injurious behavior.
Bipolar -- bipolar depressive disorder, also known as manic
depression. Major depression without mania is sometimes called "unipolar."
DDNOS -- dissociative disorder not otherwise specified; a diagnosis
for people who dissociate in stressful situations but not to the point
where they experience themselves as other people.
OCD -- obsessive-compulsive disorder; just what it sounds like.
PTSD and CPTSD -- post-traumatic stress disorder and a new concept,
Judith Herman's complex PTSD (resulting from prolonged trauma).
- 5. What is the proper term for hurting yourself?
- There isn't one. You'll find it called all sorts of things --
parasuicide, self-mutilation, self-abuse, self-destructive
behavior... most people on bus call it self-injury or sib because
those are less blaming terms.