Why do you SI? How does it make you feel?
What have been the consequences of your SI?
Do you have rituals for SI?
Does it hurt? How can you bear the pain?
[I'm] female, almost 19, first cutting at 16, just finished freshman year of college. And I have everything in the world except my self, if that makes sense.I posted a survey about self-injury to mailing lists for depressives and manic-depressives. The following quotes and statistics are drawn from this informal survey and the questionnaire attached to this page.
from a respondent to the survey.
Periodically, I go through the questionnaires I've collected. I spend several hours extracting data and quotes from these questionnaires, losing myself in tales of overwhelming pain, courage, fear, humor, relief. I want to find the boy whose stepfather makes his life miserable and just hold him quietly for a long time. I want to dull the edges of the blades, take the heat out of the metal, soften the walls and the wood. I want a sink for the rage and pain, a safe place to dump all the despair and depression and sometimes abuse and horror all these people have carried around for years.
The courage in these answers astounds me. As you read their words, I ask that you bear witness to their hope and strength of spirit as well as their pain.
WARNING: Some of this material is very intense and difficult to read. The feelings that accompany self-injury can be hard to read about, as can the descriptions of how it's done. This section remains here because I hear from so many people who were relieved to find thoughts they'd thought bizarre and crazy and weird expressed by other people -- not just one or two, but dozens. When I read a letter that begins, "I read your page and found myself crying because I finally know I'm not alone," any doubts I have about the advisability of publishing this stuff are assuaged. Please be careful about how and when you read this section, though, and please realize that I'm presenting this for informational purposes only. Do not do any of these things to yourself.
= new entries 1/19/01.
Why do you SI? How does it make you feel?
What have been the consequences of your SI?
Do you have rituals for SI?
Does it hurt? How can you bear the pain?
Tell your story by filling out the questionnaire.
