a prozac manifesto

a prozac manifesto
"prozac? oh, yeah, treat the source, not the problem."
"...become one of those prozac robots {zombies, droids}"
"jesus, cheer up. take some prozac. chill out."
i take prozac. i've been taking it for a while now, and i sometimes think if i hear one more brain-dead comment like those above, i'll kill something (of course, that would then be blamed on prozac, not the brain-dead idiot).

what prozac is
prozac is a drug. it is *not* a mood elevator; you don't get a buzz from it. if people not suffering from serotonin-linked depressive disease take it, nothing happens. for the undepressed, it's a very boring drug. it even *looks* boring -- sickly green and dullwhite.
if you happen to have a serotonin imbalance in your brain, prozac and the other ssri's can change that. it's not that your *mood* is changed so much as your range of moods -- before, all you could feel was down, bleah, more bleah, and ohgodiwantodie*now*. on prozac, you can still feel down, but you can feel up and happy and energetic, too.
it's like before you were only able to sing bass and now you can range all the way up to soprano.

what prozac is not

prozac is not speed (though some people experience some agitation on it).
prozac is not a cure -- it simply lifts disabling depression enough so you can deal with the issues underlying the depression.
prozac does not make people any more likely to be suicidal or homicidal -- there are *no* well-controlled, well-documented studies showing that it does. fact is, depressed people are more likely to act on violent impulses as their depression starts to lift because they have the energy to do something about the violent thoughts.
prozac does not do anything for people without serotonin imbalances. one study even showed that if you took people whose depressions improved on prozac and fed them a special serotonin-depleting diet, their depressive symptoms returned within hours.
prozac isn't like aspirin -- take it and twenty minutes later your headache's all better. more like two weeks, sometimes four, sometimes longer. sometimes it doesn't work at all.

things i really really want people to know
people on prozac still have occasional bad days. they still get grumpy. they still get pissed at traffic, they still get impatient.
people on prozac still *feel* -- in fact, sometimes it's only after the prozac takes effect that they realize how numb they've been all along.
that i have to take some pills every day to maintain my life is no different from my friend who takes sulfa drugs daily to stave off a recurrence of colitis, or another who injects herself with insulin. if the choice is between swallowing a few capsules every day or spending my life huddled up in bed, sleeping except when i absolutely *have* to be awake and ignoring the ringing phone in the other room because the thought of people makes me feel sick, i'll easily choose the pills.
when i'm on my meds, i'm relaxed, outgoing, fun to be around. i laugh and see friends and do things like clean my house and wash my hair. if i let myself go off my meds, i spend 16-20 hours a day sleeping, i don't care if my clothes are clean or my hair washed, i deliberately avoid everyone i know, i cut holes in myself with razor blades and i try to work up the energy and courage to die. i'm paranoid and tense and jump at the slightest things.
which way of life would *you* choose?
--
sine | deb
so incredibly fucking tired of being berated
for choosing to have a life worth living.

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